Friday, May 30, 2008

Don't worry....I've got a plan

We have a plan. And that feels nice. I think the lowest points that I've hit during the past few years dealing with infertility have been when I didn't know what to do next. I felt this way a few weeks ago after the surgery, when I was left with only one fallopian tube. It is such a vulnerable position to be in. So, at least for now, we have a plan.

I had been really hesitant to move on to ivf at this juncture because I always felt like it was the ace in our back pocket. And as long as we still had it tucked away in our pocket while we were trying IUIs, then we were doing okay. I haven't been ready to pull it out of my back pocket yet because then what would we have left if that didn't work? And so, for now at least, it will remain in our pocket while we try two more IUIs.

I had my second follistim injection tonight. And it amazes me how much they don't hurt. I don't know if it is because I have gotten so used to them, or because lately the emotional pain is so much worse than the physical pain, so much so that a tiny needle prick doesn't even register with my brain. Either way, I am grateful to not dread the shots like I did those first couple months. I am scheduled to go in Monday for a follicle check and bloodwork. Just about time to have a nice chat with my ovaries about not being overachievers, but still making sure to produce a couple nice big follicles, prefarably on the right side, since the left is, well, BROKEN and all. Do you talk to your body before an appointment? What do you say? Does it ever work?

Thursday, May 29, 2008


Wow! My first post. I have been such a long-time lurker of infertility blogs, and now I finally have one of my own. This one had potential to be great except for the fact that I'm not a brilliant writer, or even an exceptional speller for that matter. Nor am I all that computer savvy. Oh well. Here goes anyway....

I guess I should start with my namesake. Kokopelli is fertility god. The myth says that this traveling, flute-playing god would travel village to village, and play his flute. Everyone would sing and dance all night. The next morning, every maiden would be with child.

Nice, huh? I'm still waiting for him to swing by my village. In the meantime, I thought I'd start this blog to chronicle my journey through infertility, share my opinions, and hopefully hear some of yours along the way.

But I have a confession to make. There are a couple crazy, superstitious things that I do during a treatment cycle.

First, a quick story about kokopelli, and how he came to be significant in my life. My sister, Fertile Myrtle, hereafter known as FM gave me a small ceramic kokopelli the size of my hand when we began seeing our RE. She also gave me a really funny looking apron with kokopellis all over it. But, back to the ceramic guy. So, holding the good luck emblem in my hand for all of two seconds, I proceed to drop it on the tile in the entryway on the way to show my husband. It shattered into about 15 pieces. And then I did the same thing. I slumped down on the floor and just started bawling, muttering something about it being a true sign of our infertile destiny. My very wise and wonderful husband painstakingly crazy-glued that sucker back together. He told me THAT was a symbol too. I think he olny said that to shut me up, but luckily, it worked.

So, back to those weird things I do. When we are going through a cycle, I pull that glued-together kokopelli out of my nightstand, and he sits on the bedside table. And before I go to bed at night, I kiss it, and I make my husband do the same. Crazy, huh? I also feel compelled on CD1 to look up my due date should the iui work. And I drink pineapple juice during the two week wait. I'm.So.Pathetic. Ok, so this begs the question---What strange things do you do during a cycle that you think helps or brings you luck of any kind?