31 Weeks!!!

Wow, it has been forever since I last posted, hasn't it?! I hope everyone's Christmas was as joyous as ours was. Greg and I weren't really going to exchange gifts this year, so instead we each got each other a few small things for the house (my "big" gift from Greg was a curtain rod for Abby's room, and he got trash bags from me...but for the record, he was actually excited about them--they are really cool trash bags!). But Santa had other plans for us....

We drove up to Dallas on Tuesday night, and it was pretty much non-stop from there! On Christmas Eve Abby crushed the only pair of glasses that I brought, so I ended up getting a very nice new pair of glasses for Christmas. Greg also lost his cell phone on Christmas Eve, so now he is sporting the new iphone. He looks so cool and trendy, even if he doesn't know how to work half the buttons on that thing!! So in the end, we each ended up unexpectedly getting something big! Thanks Santa!!

Christmas was awesome! It was so great to be in the company of our families, and enjoy such amazing food. And while Abby didn't completely "get" Christmas this year, she had so much fun opening presents and playing with all of her cousins. I really wish that we lived closer!

While we were in town we also tried hard to make the rounds and see as many of our friends as we could, since we don't know how long it will be until we can make it back up to Dallas. Unfortunately we weren't able to make it around to see everyone, but it was really great catching up with those we saw. And good thing we took advantage of the opportunity to see as many people as possible because...

No more trips to Dallas for me!! I had my bi-weekly check up with my ob today and she decided to check my cervix for progress due to a small amount of bleeding that I had while we were in Dallas. It turns out that my cervix has been busy! I am already dilated 1 cm!!! She said that since I am progressing a little quicker than they would like to see, she is requesting that I take it easy for the next few weeks and that we not travel more than an hour away! She said the goal right now is to get me to 34 weeks, when she won't do anything to stop labor if it happens. If I do go into labor between now and then, all measures will be taken to stop labor and keep my boy cooking for a little longer. She wants to check me again in 2 weeks and if there has been any change, I'm on bedrest. :( In the meantime, our little boy continues to rock out my uterus! He is measuring 1 week ahead, and we are scheduling another ultrasound for 4 weeks from now, so that we have a better idea how big he is going to be!! I can't believe that in less than 9 weeks I am going to have a little boy!! And Abby is going to be a BIG SISTER!!! Wow!

She is already preparing for the big event. One of the things that she got for Christmas is a doll stroller, and she has spent so much time pushing her "babies" around the house in the stroller. It is so cute to watch. She is going to make such a great big sister! And now, for some pictures.....

There are so many other fun stories from our trip to Dallas, but I will have to spread them out over a few posts. In the meantime, I hope everyone has a Happy and safe New Year's!!

9 Days Until Christmas!!!

Every morning Abby and I change the countdown number on our little advent calendar, and today it says there are only 9 days left until Christmas!! Can you believe it?? We are ready around here. Abby knows who Santa is, and she is very excited about all the wrapped presents under the tree. And the house is all decorated and I have started my holiday baking. Here are some pictures of our house and tree:

Pirates and Gingerbread Houses...

Last weekend my friend (down here in Houston) Nikki threw an awesome pirate party for her son Jake's 4th birthday. The party was so much fun, and all the pirates looked adorable. Upon arrival, every pirate was given a hat, belt, sword, and eye patch. The kids participated in walking the plank and a cannonball fight. Abby did it all and had so much fun!! Happy 4th Birthday Jake!!! Here are a few pictures from that fun day (oh, and the back of Abby's pants said "Pirates Booty"--how cute is that!):

Last night we made a gingerbread house. Actually, Daddy made the gingerbread house while I took pictures and Abby sampled all of the candy decorations. Unfortunately, Abby had to go to bed before the house got decorated, but it was the first thing she spotted this morning when she woke up. It was a lot of fun! I just realized she is wearing the same outfit that she wore to the pirate party last weekend!

My Due Date!!!

When I opened my date book to see what I had going on for the week ahead, the only entry for yesterday, December 8, 2008 was "My Due Date!!!" I guess even though the pregnancy lasted only 6 1/2 weeks, I still managed to record my due date in my calendar. Today I should be holding a brand new baby, but instead I only have 3 small scars on my belly to remember him/her by.

Yesterday was a bit of a strange day, with the reminder of that pregnancy that went oh so wrong looming in my head all day. But it was hard to be sad about it all day, when I have so much right in front of me to be SO thankful for. Abby and I did some shopping at Michaels, and a woman stopped to tell me how beautiful Abby is, and how much she envied me! (yesterday of all days!) Apparently she has 12 grandsons and no granddaughters!! I am very lucky to have my beautiful little ray of sunshine who sings to me and showers me with hugs and kisses every day. And I am 28 1/2 weeks pregnant with a VERY active little boy who also reminds me how lucky I am. Poor kid still doesn't have a name yet, but we are so excited to meet him!!

Right after Christmas it will be time to focus on this little guy. Picking out a name, and bedding, and getting his room ready for his arrival! There is a lot to do and very little time to do it!

Merry Christmas!!!!

What a difference a year makes!!

Abby with Santa last Christmas: Abby with Santa this Christmas:

Our Santa experience this year was awesome! I was so nervous about long lines, getting to the mall before 1:00 (that's when Santa eats lunch), and how Abby might react to him this year. The experience could not have gone better. We got to the mall around 12:55 on Friday afternoon, and walked right up to Santa! There was no one in front or behind us, so we weren't rushed at all. At first Abby didn't know quite what to think, but after Santa took his gloves off and asked for a couple "high fives" Abby knew this was clearly a man to be trusted. She sat in his lap and just checked him out for awhile. No tears!!! And I even got a few smiles. And the best part is when they asked me if I wanted them to take the picture there, or if I wanted to take my own pictures....FOR FREE!!!! So I got lots of great candid shots of Abby and Santa, and then a few of her and Greg in Santa's chair:

We also had Christmas/Abby's 18-month pictures taken a couple weeks ago. Those didn't go nearly as smoothly. She didn't really want to sit still or pose, and every time the photographer raised her camera up, Abby would wail. But we survived and even got a few good shots. So, here are a few of the best from that adventure:

What a week!!!

Our Thanksgiving was wonderful!! We ate so much great food, and it is really, really great seeing all of our family. Seeing everyone just makes me miss them even more when we come home. Our trip was short, but we managed to pack a lot into the two days we were there. Hopefully we will be in town longer for Christmas and we'll have a chance to see all of our friends!!

We came home late Thursday night and on Friday morning, Abby and I decided to brave the crowds and head to Kohl's around 10 a.m. It wasn't too bad and we got some great deals! Greg met us at home around lunchtime. After lunch Greg fell asleep in the big over sized chair in the living room while Abby and I played with her see 'n say on the floor. And then one of those melt-my-heart moments happened. I told Abby that she could play for another 15 min. before nap time, and then I left her in the living room while I got online for a few minutes. The house was really quiet so I went to see what trouble Abby had gotten into, and I walked into the living room to find this:

I had a Dr. appt. on Tuesday to check on my little man, and all is well. His heart rate was 144 bpm, and according to the sonogram, he weighs 2 lbs. 12 oz!!!! He is head down and really low, and my cervix is very soft, but luckily I'm not dilated yet. And I passed my glucose test (yay!), but I am anemic, so I get to add an iron pill to my daily total of 4 pills a day (yuck)! But it will all be worth it in a couple months when we are holding our sweet baby boy. Here are a few pictures from the sonogram:
This is a picture of his face, with his mouth open.

This is a picture designed to answer any questions about our son's gender...

His hands and feet were all up by his face, so this is supposed to be a split screen picture of both of his feet by his face:

26 Week Belly pictures!!!

Here's what my belly looks like this week:

And here's one with my face in it:

According to Babycenter, baby is the size of an English Hothouse Cucumber this week!! I can't wait to meet my little cucumber!

26 Weeks!!!

I can't believe I am 26 weeks pregnant!! Where has the time gone? How did this happen? Wait, don't answer that last one. And did you check out my little counter over to the right? 97 days left! That's crazy. I can't believe that in less than 14 weeks Greg and I will have a brand new baby boy in our arms, and Abby will be a BIG sister!!! I was going to post a belly shot, but I'm being too lazy right now to get up and take a picture, so I will try to remember to do it later today or early tomorrow.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. We had our very first visitor to our new house. My mom came to visit on Saturday!! We took her to the park with us to feed the ducks, which is always an adventure. And then we went out to eat at Red Robin for dinner which also ended up being quite an adventure. I won't go into too many details other than to say that the evening ended with Abby getting a bath in the sink at the restaurant---lots of fun!!! The visit was too short, as always, but we had a great time, and Abby loved spending time with Grandma.

This weekend was also Niki's 25th birthday with 3 years experience---(nice one, Niki)!! :) I hope it was a wonderful birthday! We ate chocolate cake at our house to celebrate for you! Happy Birthday!!!

And since this week is Thanksgiving, I thought I would leave off with what I am thankful for, not just this year, but Today. And maybe I will try to post the things I am thankful for more often, because there is really a lot in my life to be thankful for.

Today I am Thankful:

• for the huge smile on Greg's face when he tickles Abby and she roars with laughter


• for the smart and funny cow-loving 18 month old who greeted me with a smile and "Hi ommy!" this morning


• for the amazing little kicks I feel throughout the day, reminding me how far I've come from a time when I thought I might never get to be a mommy

18 Months!!!!

It is so hard to believe that my little girl is already 18 months old!!!! As the 3 1/2 of us were dancing around the living room tonight, I realized a few things: 1) There is no future for any of us on So You Think You Can Dance; 2) Just how lucky I am to get to dance in my living room with my husband and daughter; and 3) what an amazing and independant little lady Abby has become. She is so much fun to hang out with!

Abby had her 18 month check up today. She weighs 23 lbs., 13 oz. and she is 32 1/2 in. long (tall?). She is 50% for weight and 75% for height! She is getting 3 new teeth, which brings our total up to 10! Her favorite thing right now is reading books, especially about animals. And her absolute favorite animal right now is the cow. Not sure exactly why, but the girl LOVES cows. And I love my little cow-lover!!

This time one year ago

Look at her now!!!

Welcome!!!

Welcome to my blog!! I actually started this blog several months ago as a public blog to document our journey to add to our family. Since it began there have been several exciting changes in our life, and now it seems fitting to share the blog with everyone we love. In order to share personal stories and pictures with everyone yet still protect my family, I have decided to make this blog private now. I want everyone we know and love to be able to see what we're up to, but I don't want strangers to have that same kind of access into our personal lives. So please enjoy our pictures and stories. There will be plenty more to come...

We closed on our new house in Houston on Nov. 7. We are still working on getting settled in, but this is a picture of the front of our new house. Isn't it the cutest house ever? That front window is the office/play room where I am sitting right now typing this post! Here are a couple pictures of the inside...

I will post more pictures as we get the rooms set up.

Abby loves her new house. All of her old stuff feels new to her, and she gets excited every time I open a box! Here is a picture of her driving Daddy's car last Sunday when we were on the hunt to find a cow (long story...I'll save it for another post)...

Quick baby update: I'm 25 weeks pregnant!!! Had an ob appt. today. Our baby boy's heartrate was 150 bpm and I am measuring 27 weeks!! I start seeing the Dr. every 2 weeks now!! This pregnancy is going by so fast! I have another sonogram in a couple weeks. I can't wait to see my handsome boy again!! I feel him kicking and squirming constantly, but it is so different and amazing to actually see him on the ultrasound. And here's what my belly looks like these days (or at least the way it looked last week)...

16 Weeks!!!

To say that there have been a few changes going on in my life would be an understatement. Of course the biggest of these is that I am currently 16 weeks, 4 days pregnant. For the last several weeks I have stood, frozen, holding my breath, waiting for something to go wrong with this pregnancy. And while I--perhaps more than anyone--realize that plenty could still go wrong between now and March 1, 2009, I am ready to take that leap of faith and enjoy my pregnancy. I deserve it. Greg deserves it. And this beautiful, perfect baby growing inside of me certainly deserves it. And the truth is....I LOVE being pregnant. I haven't felt sick at all, and I have been feeling movement for the past several weeks, and I am delighted with every bit of it.

I began this blog in the middle of our journey---we have already been blessed with an AMAZING little lady with the help of fertility treatment. We were going through treatment to add to our family, when my ectopic pregnancy happened. That is where this blog picks up. Now that I am pregnant, this blog will be taking on a different tone, and switching gears to being more pregnancy and motherhood related. There will still be plenty of talk of infertility, as it will follow me forever, and as we continue to grow our family. But in the future, I may have to move it over to being password protected at some point so that I can share more of my life and protect my family at the same time.

Beta

I began testing on either Tuesday or Wednesday (I'm not even sure which any more) and they were negative, although I swore when I held them up to the light at a certain angle and crossed my eyes, that there was a faint line. I had zero symtoms, other than tearing up while watching that little girl sing on America's Got Talent, and then falling asleep around 7:30 the next night.

But then something shocking happened. On Thursday, I got a faint BFP. And I would ordinarily be over the moon excited, except that I've been down this road before, and I don't like how the story ends. So I didn't even mention it to Greg. Instead I waited to see what would happen on Friday. Well all 5 BFPs on Friday were just as faint as those the day before. They didn't appear to be getting any darker. So I was positive at this point that the news was going to be bad. But I called and scheduled a blood test for Sat. anyway. I decided that I would tell him on Saturday afternoon if the results were higher than 50, and if not, I would wait until after my repeat beta on Monday. I guess I was afraid to tell him for fear of getting excited myself. When the Dr. called on Sat. afternoon I thought it had to be bad news. I was expecting a call from the nurse, and in my experience, it isn't good news when the Dr. personally calls himself. But then he gave me the greatest news possible: 189. It was better than I could have imagined, but I am still trying hard not to get too excited. No doubt I will certainly breathe easier this afternoon if my numbers have doubled, but I don't think I will truly be convinced that I am pregnant until I see a baby in my uterus, with a heartbeat.

So, there it is. That's my big news. Stay tuned for the results, good, bad, or ugly.

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise

Today I am 5dpiui. I am feeling great if you don't count the insane one-woman conversation going on and on and on in my head. Could I be pregnant? Not a chance in hell. Really? No, not really; of course you are pregnant? Really, really? No, not really, really; you are SO not pregnant. And then over and over. And then I'll sneeze. Oh my gosh. Was that a symptom, cause I'm pretty sure I sneezed when I was pregnant last time. This kind of crazy, irrational thought takes up my whole day and wears.me.out!!!

I am already contemplating in my head when I could possibly test and get a bfp. 9dpiui? 10dpiui? But right now, I have decided that I am pregnant until proven otherwise. This seems to shut up my inner voice momentarily, and it convinces me to wait as long as possible to test for fear of "proving otherwise." So for now I am enjoying my pregnancy ---- all 2 weeks, 5 days of it.

The Deed is Done

Well, I went in on Friday for a quick follie scan and bloodwork. The left ovary was behaving very well and had a few follicles, but not so big that it would squash my chances of ovulating on the right. On the right I had 4 or 5 good follicles all around the same size, between 13 and 16 mm. And then one misfit who was a 18.5 mm. When my bloodwork came back, it was of course this misfit that caused me to begin surging early, before the other good little follies had a chance to catch up. I figured the iui would be on Sunday or Monday....until I got the phone call to trigger RIGHT NOW, and iui would be Saturday morning. So, that's how it went. Everything just felt so off. But now, here I am, 2 days into the 2ww, hoping that the timing wasn't as far off as I thought. I have decided to be hopeful anyway, because there is no sense in feeling all doomy and gloomy all the time. And I keep telling myself that out of the 3 previous iuis with injectibles, we got pregnant 2 times. and 2 out of 3 ain't bad, right?

So, that's where I'm at right now. Do you think it is too early to test??

I am doing everything in my power not to surf the baby gear or pregnancy websites. But I have already begun all of my other silly rituals--drinking pineapple juice, looking up the would-be due date.

I'm in a Funk

I had my follicle scan and bloodwork this morning. Everything appears to be going well--follicles on my right are slightly bigger than those on my left, and all are a little bigger than a couple days ago. My estradiol jumped from 192 on Monday to 756 today, so it seems that my body is responding to the meds nicely. I cut back my follistim tonight and I am eagerly awaiting my next set of instructions tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention the mysterious cyst looking thing just outside of my right ovary suspiciously close to my only remaining fallopian tube????? The Dr. doesn't seem concerned right now. So I am pretending not to be as well....not doing a very good job.

So why can't I get excited about this cycle? I have felt hope begin to creep in a few times the past few days, and I always manage to squash it with negative thoughts. I guess it is because the goal used to be to get that BFP. That was until that first ectopic. So then the new plan was to get a BFP and doubling HCGs. That was until this last ectopic. So I guess now I just hope for a BFP with doubling HCGs and a beautiful perfect heartbeat in my uterus if that isn't too much to ask. I think I'm just pissed off that I have been completely robbed of the innocence that so many others get to enjoy. It was one thing to start fertility treatments and be robbed of that "oh my gosh, what a surprise" moment. But to be robbed of the joy of seeing those two lines come up on the hpt, or even the happiness of the call from the Dr. office. Well that just sucks. So I guess I need to just sit on that for a couple days and whine and lick my wounds. But fear not, hope always has a way of creeping in during the 2ww.

Don't worry....I've got a plan

We have a plan. And that feels nice. I think the lowest points that I've hit during the past few years dealing with infertility have been when I didn't know what to do next. I felt this way a few weeks ago after the surgery, when I was left with only one fallopian tube. It is such a vulnerable position to be in. So, at least for now, we have a plan.

I had been really hesitant to move on to ivf at this juncture because I always felt like it was the ace in our back pocket. And as long as we still had it tucked away in our pocket while we were trying IUIs, then we were doing okay. I haven't been ready to pull it out of my back pocket yet because then what would we have left if that didn't work? And so, for now at least, it will remain in our pocket while we try two more IUIs.

I had my second follistim injection tonight. And it amazes me how much they don't hurt. I don't know if it is because I have gotten so used to them, or because lately the emotional pain is so much worse than the physical pain, so much so that a tiny needle prick doesn't even register with my brain. Either way, I am grateful to not dread the shots like I did those first couple months. I am scheduled to go in Monday for a follicle check and bloodwork. Just about time to have a nice chat with my ovaries about not being overachievers, but still making sure to produce a couple nice big follicles, prefarably on the right side, since the left is, well, BROKEN and all. Do you talk to your body before an appointment? What do you say? Does it ever work?

Kokopelli

Wow! My first post. I have been such a long-time lurker of infertility blogs, and now I finally have one of my own. This one had potential to be great except for the fact that I'm not a brilliant writer, or even an exceptional speller for that matter. Nor am I all that computer savvy. Oh well. Here goes anyway....

I guess I should start with my namesake. Kokopelli is fertility god. The myth says that this traveling, flute-playing god would travel village to village, and play his flute. Everyone would sing and dance all night. The next morning, every maiden would be with child.

Nice, huh? I'm still waiting for him to swing by my village. In the meantime, I thought I'd start this blog to chronicle my journey through infertility, share my opinions, and hopefully hear some of yours along the way.

But I have a confession to make. There are a couple crazy, superstitious things that I do during a treatment cycle.

First, a quick story about kokopelli, and how he came to be significant in my life. My sister, Fertile Myrtle, hereafter known as FM gave me a small ceramic kokopelli the size of my hand when we began seeing our RE. She also gave me a really funny looking apron with kokopellis all over it. But, back to the ceramic guy. So, holding the good luck emblem in my hand for all of two seconds, I proceed to drop it on the tile in the entryway on the way to show my husband. It shattered into about 15 pieces. And then I did the same thing. I slumped down on the floor and just started bawling, muttering something about it being a true sign of our infertile destiny. My very wise and wonderful husband painstakingly crazy-glued that sucker back together. He told me THAT was a symbol too. I think he olny said that to shut me up, but luckily, it worked.

So, back to those weird things I do. When we are going through a cycle, I pull that glued-together kokopelli out of my nightstand, and he sits on the bedside table. And before I go to bed at night, I kiss it, and I make my husband do the same. Crazy, huh? I also feel compelled on CD1 to look up my due date should the iui work. And I drink pineapple juice during the two week wait. I'm.So.Pathetic. Ok, so this begs the question---What strange things do you do during a cycle that you think helps or brings you luck of any kind?